illusional fantasies

-

2005-09-11T00:59:00.000+08:00

It's been like 78642134 days since I've been here. This blog's gonna clsoe down for sure. Not gonna update at this page no more, so you all can delete the links.
Been through a lot these weeks. Had my days of ups and downs. Most of the time thinking, thinking, thinking. Pure musing. Listening as well. Found some great songs, maybe too many. Then, Finch's got a new album 'Say Hello To Sunshine', Thrice's got a new one coming up soon as well, 'Vheissu', if I'm not wrong. Recently, the local scene seems to be picking up, with bands like 'Electrico', 'Ronin', 'Parking Lot Pimp', 'B-quartet' coming into the limelight. Perfect 10 even dedicates a show to home grown talent, which is absolutely perfect!
Uh, well. Just TRY to study hard for prelims and O's, even though we may not want to.

Little angels of the earth, they put a smile on my face.

-

2005-05-30T14:17:00.000+08:00

DYSFUNCTIONAL
Yes that's the place you should be heading to. Having one blog is enough. Blogging at 2 is tough. So TATA (: . Oh, join Green Grins alright, or just take a look, it won't hurt at all- I promise.

Well, I MAY update sometime, so do check back SOMETIME later okay?Cheers (:

-

2005-05-20T23:52:00.000+08:00

Well, I never did expect to pass Physics and Geography,but I did.(: The sec3s were having their basketball interclass, wished that I could play too.
Mrs Lam booked a London cab for our trip down to Esplanade. The briefing went on fine. Had a couple of pictures with Jamie Yeo and Aaron from Eye For A Guy 2. While the rest of the crowd had their refreshments, we had Haagen Dazs instead. 7th Heaven is so damn good! A big thanks to Mrs Lam (:.
Just signed up for MoBlog and trying to familiarise myself with the navigations and stuff. Blog's at dysfunctional. MoBlog, that's it.

-

2005-05-17T22:26:00.000+08:00

Pretty engrossed in Deception Point for the past few days and I've finally reached the ending. Gonna stop for the time being and study real hard for chinese O's. Hopefully Zhili's methods will help. Once it's over, I'll get my hands on Angels and Demons.
Had a blast with the bball people just now. I almost felt like a retard after not playing for such a long period. Still, managed to make some shots. Than we were laughing over and over again, just like the good old days.(: Later on, me,Zhili, Nisa and Barbara played rugby on the upper court. Took off our socks and shoes, treating the court like our very own home. Things got rough and we all got onto the floor. A game like this certainly beats going to Wild Wild Wet. Call us bonkers, but whatever.(: Feeling nostalgic already.
Couting down 5 days.
Love ya mom.
MatchBook Romance - My Eyes Burn

-

2005-05-15T12:31:00.000+08:00

Last days of my life..

Would you ever ever consume a burger with it's contents squashed under the umpits of another for $80?

-

2005-05-13T14:58:00.000+08:00

All done and over with.(: Schools been hell load of dullness. Been sticking to textbooks that I'd neglected Dan Brown. Did conversation topics during English and got hit by a bottle, Rachel too. Both our hands turned red instantly. I was mad for a moment. The boys did apologized later on. Expected myself to be in a look-what-you-did-to-my-hand-bastard state, but I wasn't. Accepted their constant and sincere apologies. Well, just my luck.
Problems been rising in the family. About my brothers' discipline and schoolwork. I do feel for mom. Dad's hardly at home with the number of jobs he's currently holding. And when he's at home, he'll be in bed. I don't blame his absence nor do I blame his negligence, it's meant to be. And so, without a Master, things tend to get out of hand. When the youngest wasn't out yet, Dad was always around the house. That was also the period where my bro got the most shits from him, which inevitably instilled a fear for him inside me. His defiance got from bad to worse and only changed his ways this few years. Now this youngest one is far much worse, he's the unimaginable. Mom's at a loss and so am too.

-

2005-05-11T15:02:00.000+08:00

One more to go. Can't wait for all these to be over. My head's gonna explode, yes. So the whole shcool will be down for X-Country while the Sec4s stay put in school. Boring. Thanks to our principal, there's no space for any relaxation and enjoyment at all. Interclass basketball, soccer or netball - cancelled. Just plain, dull studying and doing examination papers. Lessons, lessons and more lessons. Sec4s' life is shyt. Where's my god damn freedom?
Hair still sucks. Grow, grow, grow!!! Maybe I should treat it to some 'Grow' milk. Argh!
Ain't no hollaback girl. That's Gwen Stefani. She rocks.
Pretty Boys: Orlando Bloom(Prettiest Elf), Jesse Metcalfe (Prettiest Lawn Ornament with a Hot Bod!), Utt(Prettiest VJ), Tom Welling(Prettiest Superhero), Ryan Seacrest (Prettiest Host), Jon Jonsson(Prettiest Model), Edison Chen(Prettiest Prankster), Takuya Kimura(Prettiest Pilot) and Eminem(Prettiest Rapper with an attitude). My pick, James Denton(Prettiest Plumber);).
Tata.

2005-05-09T21:22:00.000+08:00

I HATE MY HAIR.
It's shyt. Nothing but a bunch of shyt. Crap, I shouldn't have done it. ARGH!
3 more tests, & all will be over. For the very first time, I passed Amaths. (:
I miss training. Sigh.
End.

-

2005-05-07T21:07:00.000+08:00

Got ourselves drenched just before the test, how rad was that. Reminded me of the time when Nisa and me played in the rain after a match with Anglican. The edges of my notes were damp, textbook as well. Settled down and had our meal. Started a game of 'Truth and Dare'. Raudhah ate a french fry soaked with our sauces. A mixture of Coke, mayo, curry sauce and god knows what else. Gross! Initial plans to study were unfufilled. Instead, rushed to cram all that we can on the bus ride. Presently, I can picture Mrs Wong shaking her head as she examine our scripts.
Spent the rest fo the evening at Sg Indoor Stadium. Watched the foreign teams play against each others. Boring. Well, not in Nisa's case. Busy eyeing that cute guy who called me a Mdm! If you wanted her number, speak up, make your move. Haha. If the drinks weren't so expensive, we would have bought a dozen mango juices from him, I swear.
Gone out with mom today. For the first time, I was punctual (:. Lunched at Subway and got our hair cuts. Mom's turned out to be quite cool but mine was shit. The lady said to trim for me, but she took away my length as well. Now my ponytail is like a rabbit's tail. My head almost detached from my neck while I got my hair washed. That girl was like using so much force to 'massage' my scalp. There's a vast difference between Barbie and me alright.
The other day while watching 'Chase', my bro was like munching on sweets and snacks. Couldn't resist to insult him about the fats accumulating around his waist. He said ' Aiya, fat nevermind one la. As long as I'm happy can already.' This goes out to all the anorexic people. Eating is not a sin.

2005-05-04T14:57:00.000+08:00

No one talks to me now and neither do I. What's wrong with me? Bullshit, all bullshit. Screwed Physics and Chinese. Exams do suck.
Mother's Day coming up. Love ya mom. Zhili's birthday coming up, love you too. Mandy's birthday definately not forgotten. Things haven't been the same without you around. Miss you much. Fang Yi's birthday coming up too. Wondering how's he doing. Hey, Happy advance Birthday to yvonne too (=. Keep your spirits up alright. To Lyna and Ming Kao as well. Enjoy being 16. adios.

2005-05-02T01:23:00.000+08:00

# 3 (Worm). Antwon Tanner.

2005-05-02T01:20:00.000+08:00

Victory.

2005-05-02T01:18:00.000+08:00

Richmond Oilers. Gym.

-

2005-05-02T01:06:00.000+08:00

Joei! Where have you been these few months? How's life in JC? Tough? Met any nice guys yet? Gosh, I almost sound like your mom. AHHH! I miss you too-tons. FYI, I'm suffering right now. School's ain't going well. Stress level's been hovering up there for the past weeks. Never experienced a period as tough as this before, now I understand what you'd been going through and it sucks. You coming back any sooner? How are your matches coming along? Haha. Take your time to answer everyone of them alright? Wished you were here somehow.

Coach Carter is absolutely awesome. It reminds me about Us. Except, we din't have such a strict coach. We needn't do 'Suicides' and Push-ups, no need for contracts, no need for ties and certainly no need to sit in front of classes. Altogether, it's a good show, with Antwon Tanner in it ;).
By night, cousin's birthday party at YCK.Not exactly boring, nor fun. Mostly strangers. Perfect night to admire stars. Completed Amaths homeworkS.
Plans for tomorrow, mug, mug, mug and hit the tracks. Fat *groans. Enjoyment's over. So much for labour day.

2005-04-29T18:28:00.000+08:00

My brother actually thought that toothfairies exists.LOL.Naive little kid.Must be the cartoons.Sometimes, I do wished that i was younger.Where all your friends could be considered as your bestest.There were no lies, no betrayal, no motives. Everything and everyone was real. No need for acting, no need for posing, each and everyone was unique. Naive little kids,running around in cartoon printed tees. Nostalgia of childhood brings back fond memories. Seriously,I miss being a kid. The young teenager world is far too complicated and competitive. I HATE SCHOOL!I HATE IT TO THE FUCKING CORE!death keeps playing in my head.satan's trying to convince me into hell.i might just take the plunge,it's meaningless to live in this torturous world.

-

2005-04-28T21:26:00.000+08:00

i'm losing my mind.i'm losing my soul.school's seems like a retarded place that i step into every morning.a restricted destination with no fun,no play,no nothing-plain studying.sick,sick,sick.the teachers are all sickos who's driving me nuts!workload is piling up and so is my stress level.think the probability of me going bonkers is 1(sure event).anyhows,feeling pretty guilty about yelling at ms ong back in class just now.guess it's time to get down to serious business.think i might just hit the tracks or pool anytime to relieve stress.

sports day.

2005-04-22T15:07:00.000+08:00

and so sports day went by.the weather was sweltering by the time the first event started.i had to squint my eyes to see those small boys and girls run.like any other runner,my heart raced like the train.the gun shot made a piercing sound through my ears,and mind.reacted a second slower and was right behind the others.managed to catch up but not outwin the first runner.as for the our relay,it was pointless sprinting after 5 people when there's only gonna be 3 trophies,so i jogged back to the finishing line.cca relay,basketball came in first and we broke the record again (=!at the end of it all,i had to receive some comments that 'bx should run lor'.i know i'm not as fast as her,but at least give me some credit.i ran my best,i tried my best.just when i was feeling confident about myself, people have to pull me down.this certainly sucks.
after dismissal,nisa and me hopped onto Bus 22 since we had nowhere else to go.reached tampiness interchg and took 65 to town.ate LJS at cineleisure before heading down to Shaw Tower to look for ty and co.oh yea,we just kept talking and talking.haha.pretty apologetic about our cryptic laughter.it's a little secret betwn us both ;).3 cheers for tingying who paid for our tickx (=.however,the show 'Infection' is boring.though some parts scared the wits out of me,the story itself made no sense at all.the movie is a total waste of time and money.guaranteed to make you doze off.
the chinese test was a sucker.there goes my A.me and rachel just exchanged photos with each other.than we 'practiced' describing the photos we took yesterday.now i'm quite sure i might just pass my picture description.photos will be uploaded,soon enough i hope.patience.

four-E-seven

2005-04-20T21:03:00.000+08:00

our class jersey is finally done!(=.however,it wasn't exactly what we had expected.so much for putting our trust in them.all the negotiations and suggestions made us spent almost 3 hrs there.in the end,the uncle deducted $2 from every jersey.any other amendments after sports day would be FOC.how nice.flagged down a cab back to school.upon reaching ZH,shiying asked the uncle to turn into the school,and so he did-to YZ.than we were like 'NONONONONO!'.it was a pretty funny scene.back in school,we draped the jerseys over their respective chairs,exactly like a funeral.haha =/.
sighs.think i'm gonna flunk my a*maths test.that sucks big time.stupid me,stupid me,PURE STUPIDITY!ARGH!me=stupid.stupid=me.useless saying all these now.consequences of not studying and revising.oh well.made poms-poms and shred them till my fingers hurt.did a couple of runs at the stadium with WJ as our timer.worn out now.
-four-e-seven-

-

2005-04-15T21:31:00.000+08:00

sad to say,we lost the debate to Bradbury.Kane kinda fumbled up with the reply speech,so i guess it affected our marks or something.anyways,you guys did well.and congrats to the band for achieving a Gold in the SYF.carolyn must be over the moon.LOL
sh is happy.things are finally changing for the better in her family.however,her dad's holding 3 jobs now.she's wondering if he can handle all these.deliveries in the morning and driving the cab at night.all the hatred and misconceptions melted away upon these thoughts.she can see that he's making the effort,she knows he's having a hard time.maybe it's just his way of making up for the past years.oh,and our beloved hamster departed us on the 13th April.so the tank smells kinda empty right now.guess it's gonna stay like this for the rest of the years,yea.
brought the lil one round the night market just now.she chittered throughout the whole time,associating everything with her mom.figured out that she missed her loads.she has a fetish for frogs too.
right,my bro's damn dumb.he wanted to condition his hair but he don't know which is it.i told him it's the yellow one.alright,so he came out of the bathroom,with a weird and familiar smell on his head.than he asked 'is the spray one right?'.at that moment,i realized that he'd used the hair removal mousse and sprayed it on his head.so LOL.ciaos.

(=

2005-04-13T21:47:00.000+08:00

jumps.jumps.jumps
my comp's back on track!3 cheers to my mom's office technician.ok,so i'm over-reacting abit,but whatever.before that,i was trying to install the damn software for the modem,than the firewall kept popping security messages.being ignorant,i just clicked ok,which meant to block all incoming traffic.so i didn't know what happened,but after that,my CD drive doesn't work anymore.pissed off,i screamed for my mom.she,the miracle woman,made me realise that i can go online without having to download those crap.ya,so thanks mom.haha.ok,i admit that i'm plain dumb.
same things going on in school everyday.went back for training on tuesday.nisa and me were the only sec4s.haha.before the 2.4km run today,stop by at nisa's house.watched american idol,while we satisfied our hunger with maggie mee,coke and an apple.after that,made our way to punggol park.just as the first batch of sec4s were done running,it started to pour.guess it was all part of the 'Lord's plan'.
results of the heats are out.heard the rest said that i was slower than Kassandra by 0.1 secs,if i remembered correctly.gosh,can't believe that our timings were that close.sighs,my right thigh hadn't really recover yet,so hopefully it will before the actual sports meet.ciaos.
lately,i've been dreaming of you.

Changi Beach.

2005-04-10T14:36:00.000+08:00

the heats went on fine.but i ran exceptionally slow.strained my right inner thigh muscle too much during both runs,and it hurt alot.but it was all worth it,since we're in the finals.settled at J8 for lunch at LJS.than barbara gave us her theory of swollowing food to her right side of her gullet,because the left side hurt.don't quite get it huh?me too.so i concluded that she have 2 gullets.hmm.the rest wanted to watch a movie,but me and nisa rejected the idea.in the end,barbara accompanied us to Changi beach.had a long and bumpy ride before reaching our destination.
the sky and sea were beautiful.nisa took videos of the planes while i took pictures of them.having planes flying almost above your head is a wonderful feeling.hoping to go back next week again (=.coincidentally hopped onto the same bus as wenxing.after they both alighted,we started our own conversation.since i didn't want to take the bus with him,he walked me home.and so i accompanied him to wait for the bus.he's a great guy,and gives great massages too.
the rest of the night was spent alone,flipping through the stack of newspapers which i haven't touched for the week and watching tv programmes-as usual.oh and 7th Heaven is such a nice show.
darn,time for homework.ciaos.

lalalala.

2005-04-08T22:11:00.000+08:00

finally!the weekend is here (=.nonetheless,piles of homework awaiting to be done.had a hectic week.packed with lessons and still lessons.hardly had anytime to play.
on tuesday,coach drove zhili,nisa and me to Bedok Food Centre for dinner.again,we had one of those piping hot cheng teng.also,stingray!!it's really damn good.esp the chilli,a mixture of sour and spicyness.we also ordered hokkien mee,satay and roti john.after that,i was xtremly bloated.but it was all worth it.coach's the best (=.
class's jersey had been finalized and it's in the making.can't wait for them to be done.anyways,Lewis and Tolkien both won the debate.Guess staying up late was rather worth it.right rach?hahaha.best speaker and sleeper.hahaha.and here's a thousand thanks to you.for sacrificing kisses to Pd so i can get my songs.hahaha.
NAPFA test was alright.din't perform as well though,but nvm.hahaha.tay shiying almost hit my head when i helped hold her feet down --".but thanks to me,she did 33 sit ups = A.just assisting you in cutting down tummy fats.plus,you'd most probably won't do anymore in the following year.right?haha.after that,played ball with nisa,tingying and barbara.switched games.had tons of fun and amusement playing street soccer with guys from NPCC.made some attempts to kick the ball.but tingying and nisa were much better at it.haha,i still think i'm better off as a goalkeeper.thou shall update tmr.ciaos

used.

2005-04-03T18:08:00.000+08:00

Leaving lyrics from a song by The Used.Enjoy.Something's piercing through my head,& I need some rest.ciaos.

Is it worth it can you even hear me
Standing with your spotlight on me
Not enough to feed the hungry
I'm tired and I felt it for awhile now
In this sea of lonely
The taste of ink is getting old
It's four o' clock in the fucking morning
Each day gets more and more like the last day
Still I can see it coming
While I'm standing in the river drowning
This could be my chance to break out
This could be my chance to say goodbye
At last it's finally over
Couldn't take this town much longer
Being half dead wasn't what I planned to be
Now I'm ready to be free

[Chorus]
So here I am it's in my hands
And I'll savor every moment of this
So here I am alive at last
And I'll savor every moment of this

And won't you think I'm pretty
When I'm standing top the bright lit city
And I'll take your hand and pick you up
And keep you there to so you can see
As long as you're alive and care
I promise I will take you there
And we'll drink and dance the night away

-

2005-04-02T23:58:00.000+08:00

it's been a long day.another one day that i'll never forget.(=.just hope everything will turn out fine.at least,i'm aware of things that i didn't know in the first place.=/
i realized,that i'm reaching for something that will never ever happen to me.sighs.oh well.so long and goodbye.guess i should start being a realist!*yawns.

ahss.no9

2005-04-01T22:15:00.000+08:00

not exactly a day for school.wasn't even aware of the chem test today.guess i'm gonna flunk it.after dismissal,hang around school for awhile.unfortunately,had to hear some bullshit from a specific someone whom i loathe-a lot.
finally,found barbara.flagged down a cab and made our way to clementi sports hall.there,coach treat us to some superbly tasty 'tang yuan' at the nearby coffeeshop.coach's boys won & are moving on to the next round.how i wished we were also in the top 8.sighs,but it's all over now.haha,.poor thomas,he lost both bets to barbara and nisa.left the court at 4+ and headed back to school.realized it was getting late so alighted and took mrt back.managed to reach school in time.
so mrs koh met my parents.commented on my grades for amaths and science,as well as the time i commit myself to basketball-as what i had expected.she assumed that playing bball is almost the same as studying.as a matter of fact,it isn't-to me that's it.if only scoring A's were as easy as playing basketball.sighs,guess it's time to get down to work.but i get so sick at the mention of 'homework' and 'SSP'.zzz..
your eyes spoke of something which i can't make out.
making my heart flutter and race like a train.
if only..

-

2005-03-31T21:33:00.000+08:00

even though we wanted to win the match,we failed to achieve our dream.but it was a game worth remembering.our very last game together.goodbye nationals.goodbye to our dreams.goodbye to the trainings.goodbye to the sun and all the fun.goodbye everyone.goodbye 'B girls'`o5.the good times will always be a part of my memory.these 4 years down the road had been tough.but i enjoyed the endless company,laughter,fun and joy with all of you.esp the sec 4s yea.and i'm sorry nisa,for having to leave you behind.if we had a choice,we would stay with you and play another year.don't worry,we won't forget you.and thank you coach.for being such the nicest and still the nicest coach to us.i'm gonna miss everything and everyone.last of all.i love you girls and coach too (=.

-

2005-03-29T21:56:00.000+08:00

we won bedok green!the game's SDF-so damn fun.hahaha.coach tan's players have good sportsmanship,and i like them (=.me,nisa and barbara made tons of noise at the back of the bus.the rest were zzzz-ing.hahaha.had training back in school.did quite alot of stupid stuffs today,like tried to play point guard,pulling our pants up to the waist etc.lol.after dismissal,proceeded to NYJC to meet up with 4E7 peeps.had a few runs at the stadium,which turned out quite well.let's buck up tmr!we can do it.believe in yourself girls (=.we'll make it,no matter what.
i think something's very wrong with my body today.i played the game.went for training.sprinted a couple of times,yet i don't feel tired at all.yup,i feel happy,about life and everything else (=.yay!still so energetic.

-

2005-03-26T23:04:00.000+08:00

3 more days to the next match.2 more days to his birthday.one more day left to complete my homework.time is ticking away like nobody's business.anyways,had great fun playing basketball with nisa,carena,barbara,thomas and ming yao.wished i had stayed to play some more.yawns.

movie!

2005-03-25T22:46:00.000+08:00

finally!got a break from all the stressful thoughts about school work.caught miss congeniality or however you spell it,with izyan,zhili and bao.the show was pretty ok.i prefer the first one though,which was shown around 4 or 5 years ago?haha.saw the skinny pig weiyee!with her botak bf,opps.haha.she din't say hi,just managed to get my attention by just waving.right?after the movie,settled down for lunch.and chatted our way till 5.gonna have a quick bath before grabbing my zzz's.that's all folks.
a person who cares about others cares about herself.

-

2005-03-24T22:56:00.000+08:00

yawns.school is in it's utmost boring state.can hardly keeps my eyes open in most of the lessons.P.E was the only lesson considered fun.no books,no homework,no nothing.it's like PLAYTIME!hahaha.than during social studies,the whole class was practically falling asleep.pity Mr Hazry for talking to himself and the wall.hahaha.SSP was no better.mrs tobias assigned us to do a comprehension passage.after that,rushed to the field to do the long jump.it sucked.the trail run wasn't so bad.however,the trainee teacher hurried me to get it over with.so in my process of rushing,i stepped on the forbidden line,in both attempts.blahs.oh well,maybe i sucked.thereafter,proceeded with 8 rounds of school,500 skipping and 50 balls.played some ball before coach dismissed us.questioned coach about AHS's match,they lost to Dunearn =(.ooh!we appeared in the Lian He Zao Bao (=.gonna read the article now.ciao.

-

2005-03-22T22:00:00.000+08:00

sighs.we're down on luck.lost to them again,this time by 3 points.our fighting spirit was rather low.hope that it'll not continue this way.anyways,we played a great game.don't give up cos there's still 2 more games to go.sigh.i'm tired.exhausted.of life and everything.and that wound of mine still hurts alot.the bruise have yet to fade and pus keeps coming out.yuck.sigh,it's gonna be a long and boring day tmr.hope AHSS guys will win tmr.(=

-

2005-03-19T23:33:00.000+08:00

how can one possibly fall for another with a mere smile?there's a great urge to slap myself to senses but i just want to keep on dreaming.let's say this is all just an infatuation.it's just like the lyrics to 3 Door's Down song 'you love me but you don't know who i am'.in the same way,i like you,but you don't know who i am.one thought about you just makes my day.allow me to wander in this unrealistic thoughts for a few more moments,before i let go.
fade away..

(= o9

2005-03-18T22:34:00.000+08:00

holidays just aren't like holidays.seriously,i'd rather do without this one week break.it's no diffferent from the usual school day.on wed,mr ong announced that we might have a new chemistry teacher.sighs,wondering if this new teacher would be better.i'd hate to fail another subject.
days were spent hanging out with the team and coach.extending my thanks to zhili,carena and coach for consoling me.i should slap myself for showing my attitude.than today and ytd,went down to see the combined school players' matches.most of them played pretty good,no comments about the rest.weekends would be pretty busy,rushing out all hols assignments.zzz.

you caught my eye
right at the line
did you look my way
or hers?i wonder.
your expression etched in my mind
a heartwarming smile
one could never find.

-

2005-03-13T20:03:00.000+08:00

just went out with nisa and bao.supposed to do our homework,but we weren't motivated to touch or even look at it.so we just chill and talk about loads of stuff.walked around J8.after which,we accompanied bao to the dental clinic.it was a long wait,so we read magazines to idle our time away.saw ww and gabriel.their neos so funny lor =P.ok whatever.blah blah,i'm so bored.this march hols are packed with supplementary lessons and trainings.and i have yet to watch Hitch.i'd rather do without this one week 'break'.
-sometimes,i wished that you were here.

-

2005-03-12T20:25:00.000+08:00

ok.so mr choo picked exactly the same teams in our first nationals.Jurong,Bedok Green and Naval Base.but this time it's gonna be different.yvon's left the team,for some personal reasons or that's what i heard.sighs.and ang moh will be joining us in the finals instead.so yea,let's work hard for it.i;ll push myself.don't wanna feel useless again,like i always do.
watched the RGS match on VCD yesterday.the messages at the end of the video were so touching.thank you mr choo.though we din't manage to achieve our South Zone Championship dream,we'll fight hard during the nationals.(=

i love my brother.

2005-03-10T21:28:00.000+08:00

school is draining away all my energy.stress is building up within me.even training is becoming stressful.sighs.just today,mk and wj quarelled in class.than wj flared up.i swear,he'd have hit mk if mrs tobias wasn't there.hope he's feelings better now.
low down creatures of the society,i despise you.i loathe the way you behave.you're such a coward.bringing someone older to deal with the situation.behaving like a gangster will not earn you money.hanging out with those useless bums would only ruin your own future.i pity your parents,their efforts and time bringing you up was all a waste.i can imagine the look on their faces if they were to know about this issue.so what if you have back-ups?i think you'll pee in their pants when you see those guys in blue.you hit my bro 5 times,i won't let you get away with it sissy.

down down down.

2005-03-06T11:27:00.000+08:00

i can't accept the fact that's placed right before me.i can't.every movement,every step is deeply etched in my head.the scene on court replays over and over with my command.if only we had one more chance,if only..
i should apologize for the previous previous entry.it was part of my childish thinkings.i want some attention and care too.i feel no significance in anyone's life.sometimes people ignore me,& suddenly they are so good to me.i feel weird about them treating me this way.i can't explain why i react this way.it's becoming all so natural to me.maybe that's why i'm difficult to associate with.perhaps,i'm better off alone.sorry.

i want my gold back!

2005-03-05T22:38:00.000+08:00

friday,4th of march.
my heart pumped rapidly as i walked into the parade square.it was the day,everyone of us had been waiting for.than again,the morning annoucements had to remind me of that crucial match we were having in the afternoon.i couldn't concentrate on any lesson.as mrs koh was busy explaining the problem sum,i scribbled down notes without understanding it.
i glanced at the clock for the time,and hurriedly corrected the errors in my workings.finally,the amaths test was over.i joined everyone in the canteen.most of us were nervous,with the exception of zhili,who was bent on winning.like every other match,we prepared ourselves mentally before heading to the court.
though YCK stadium wasn't as big as TP's.we were definately intimidated by it's size.ZH supporters streamed in as we did 4 corners.everyone was there,to cheer us on.coach spoke to us for a while before the starting 5 went on court.
our first 2 points was scored by nisa,the crowd screamed.everyone followed their man closely,but with their height,13 and 7 were almost 'unstoppable'.however,coach told us to deny her from posting up using our body's strength.it worked.coach sub me in and zhili out,after she had committed 3 fouls.i could hear my own heart thumping as i stepped into the court.seriously,it wasn't easy to block that tall b*tch.i knew i wasn't doing a good job,i tried but fail to succeed.
half-time.coach tan spoke of my mistake as we all walked out of the court.i knew,i knew i wasn't performing as well as the others.i felt guilty,i cried.coach wong left to see his anglican boys in the semi-finals.coach tan took over us.this time round,i got it right.we were trailing behind by 4 points.than RGS pulled the scores away by 10.but we bridged the gap.leading them by 1 point and tied with them at certain times.by the end of 3rd quarter,i was breathless.
coach tan was very encouraging.4th quarter.both teams had the red flags up.nisa fouled out.zhili fouled out.we continued to give our fullest potential,defending and attacking our opponents.than,the fouls started to come in.3 in a row.6 points.only than,julia was sub in.however,the seconds sprinted its way down to zero.we lost.we lost.
held back my tears and shook hands with RGS reluctantly.after that,i let it all out.it was the first time i blamed my teamate.my first,& hopefully my last.angry and vexed,i smacked the pillars with my towel.nisa comforted me back into the court,to thank the supporters.i bowed twice,thanking them for the first and apologizing for the next.
despaired,all of us headed back outside.cried out hearts and souls out.words of comfort only made us felt worse.mr tan patted my head,& i'm deeply touched by his presence and words.ms tan + ms loo talked to us,and commented on our game.they can't seem to stop rambling on and on,so i walked away.than we watched the game with catholic high and peicai.PC was thrashed.posed for pictures after the prize presentation.
the whole night was spent watching the play 'Romeo and Juliet' at Stadium Waterfront.The ride home was bumpy and made me nauseous.back home,i laid in bed,with the game replaying in my head.

ihateyouandyouandyouandyou.

2005-03-01T21:48:00.000+08:00

oh great.we aren't going to play in Toa Payoh Stadium anymore.it had been chged to YCK instead.what luck.
school life is boring.got 6 tests lined up this week.and i'm sure that i'll fail my physics,beacause i din't study for it.these few weeks i've been pretty much alone.not going out with anyone.keepig quiet most of the time.just going for trainings and tournaments.feel pretty much left out.yea,like anyone would give two fucks.no one can be bothered about me,since they all have their other friends to care about.
i'm wasting my time typing all this shit.when no one bothers to read.

i love my family.

2005-02-26T23:24:00.000+08:00

was supposed to go out with the 'b girls' today,but changed my mind.since most of the sec4s weren't going,i don't see the point of going out with the rest whom I ain't close to.so i got to spend some time with my mom instead.met up with her at Raffles Place and got my haircut.I gotta say she's the best.It costed $79 bucks because of the treatment,which the stylist recommended.sighs,i regretted doing it.since my hair is in such a disastrous state,it's pointless to do it.no amount of chemical's gonna save it.as the saying goes 'shi shang zhi you ma ma hao',and i totally agree with the statement.
we kept talking and talking.our conversation never seemed to end.than as my mom spoke about the period she had me,i was appalled.she said that dad did not pay a single cent throughout her whole pregnancy,for certain reasons.emotions ran high,i almost teared.mom don't deserve this kind of treatment,it's so unfair for her to pay for all the expenses.even till now,she's still paying most of the bills.she refused to let me go back to work and wants me to concentrate on my studies.i know her good itentions,i know.and as for dad,he had taken his examination.can't believe that he got he simplest question wrong.haha.just praying that he'll make it,i trust that he will.
yea,my bro's grown a year older.happy birthday to you,even though i know you won't get to read this.haha.we too had a long chat,in my mom's bedroom.
everyone was out of the house tonight.was left alone at home,switching channels on tv.watched 'Living with Bonnie','Malcom in the Middle','The Simpsons','Most Valuable Primate','The Simple Life 2'.i was lonely and bored.sighs.
-life is unfair.

impossible is nothing.

2005-02-25T22:33:00.000+08:00

The effort and time put in these 4 years have not gone to waste.we gave our all and played our best.at the end of the 4th quarter,we tied the score 35-35.the game ended with a score of 45-43.we screamed from SMU to the bus and back to school again.i feel proud to be in the team.i feel proud to be able to play with these people who are so passionate about the game.i'm proud of them,their performance,fighting spirit and perseverence.most of all,i love all of them,for everything they've done,every word and encouragement they've said.we have reached the finals.we'll do it again,for coach and ourselves.
thank you all the supporters and our seniors for turning up for our match.(=
-rather waste some time with you .

court games.

2005-02-22T21:25:00.000+08:00

we lost to RGS.and won Queensway.hoping for the best on friday.play on.

saturDAY.

2005-02-19T23:46:00.000+08:00

it's a boring day.stayed at home and tried to finish up the pile of weekend homework.took my work down to the voideck and managed to finish 2 of them.enjoyed the breeze pretty much,along with the music playing through my phone and sound from the construction site.the rest of the afternoon was spent reading the newspaper and watching television.came across an article about the smallest baby who had a heart surgery.Named Jerrick De Leon, who weighs only 700g,his heart the size of a grape.poor child.also read up about orchard's revamption,which is going to take about 3 years.price of cigarettes had also gone up to $11.which is alot.no wonder my dad's been going to malaysia so often,it only costs around like $2.80 over there.hope that this will motivate some people to quit smoking.
i'm loving 'Boulevard Of Broken Songs'.ciao.
-i don't believe that anybody feels the way i do,about you now .

wowee..

2005-02-18T22:51:00.000+08:00

school is so fun!well,maybe only for today.kicked soccer during P.E ,ran around like idiots chasing after a ball.i'm so happy!cos my team won (=.we're invincible.i was clowning around in during physics.squirt water at irra =P.acted stupid and singing edited christmas carols to raudah.poured water at micheal and he chased me around the lab.anyways,he got his revenge and got my paper wet.stomach hurt from all the laughter.
training was as great too,except when running the 8 rounds.did the usual drills and practised our set plays.received a bball keychain from ms.maslinda.she's really sweet.thank you (=.after dismissal,we headed to N&B.had a hard time deciphering 'nisa died,did she die?' and black magic stuff.gotta admit we're big time lamers,but all the fun was worthwhile.let's play our best on monday and tuesday (=.i can't wait.

-

2005-02-16T22:16:00.000+08:00

sighs.the guys lost to Saints.all i gotta say is work harder in tmr's match.without failure,there wouldn't be success.don't give up,pesevere and you all will pull through.
shucks.my mood seems to be swinging almost everyday.I've no motivation to pull through life.everything's a mess.can't stay strong.giving up easily,especially when it comes to running.
-walking example of you .

keanu (=.

2005-02-15T21:54:00.000+08:00

finally,caught constantine on valentine's day.Keanu is so darn handsome right (x.i think i'm falling in love.sighs.i won't deny that i still have feelings for you.but,seems like I've lost it all.

(=.

2005-02-13T00:43:00.000+08:00

went over to coach's house.watched kung fu hustle while waiting for the rest to turn up.played mahjong,blackjack and Uno attack!sounds childish to play Uno,but it's fun to see others being 'attacked'.played mahjong for a couple of times and won quite a few rounds.most of them left,except nisa,tingying,carena and me.watched cartoons with the kids,drank wine and had a light dinner.
than coach brought us somewhere near changi and we had a close up view of planes landing.the pretty sky was dotted with stars too.toured around the CBD area and got off at Esplanade.it was 'people mountain people sea'.was looking at the photos in coach's van,which brings me great memories.all the tough trainings,friendly matches,competitions,punishments,fun and laughter,tears and anger,made us what we are today.this is our last year together,and i know i'm so gonna miss you all.not forgetting our most beloved coach too.sighs.
anyways,2 new galleries are up.enjoy.
-predestined .

-

2005-02-10T10:42:00.000+08:00

CNY ain't so good for me right.i was kept wide awake the whole night.it gets me on my nerves alright.i was so bloody tired yet i couldn't get some eye shut.fucking aunt was snoring like nobody's business and i stayed up the whole night listening to radio.had a freaking headache in the morning.
things weren't so bad at grandma's house.played with the lil ones.they're so irresistibly cute and adorable.than went on to the usual relatives' houses which was pretty boring.the only thing i was attracted to were my nieces and nephews cos they're cute and lvoable.gosh,think i'm having a fetish for kids.oh well.
-let the wind carry my soul to neverland.

yawnies.

2005-02-08T22:53:00.000+08:00

school was stupid.made dumb cards for teachers and fooled around with the 5N1's decorations. concert was rather boring but we had 'auntie pok pok' to entertain us. wanted to watch 'Constantine' but all the tickx were all sold out. so headed to ww's house instead and settled down for mahjong with her bro and kimhui. had loads of fun and laughter.
reunion dinner is like any other usual dinners we had over the weekends. except with the presence of my aunt today. seriously, i hate her coming over every year. apparently, she snores so i'm deprived of my sleep. well, she spoke to me just now. I ignored her because I was doing my maths hmwrk and she was speaking like a machine gun so I didn't catch any word she said. yeah, anyways saw bp and aikwan today. bp is still as skinny as ever. aikwan practically forgot my name but fortunately, he still recognised me =). it's kinda weird that I never ever get to see any of them even though we live quite near each other. sighs.

emo.

2005-02-05T17:40:00.000+08:00

Have you ever felt like the world's crashing on you?
Have you ever felt that you could never do anything right?
Have you ever been worried about your future?
Have you ever been a let down to your parents?
Have you ever felt an invisible pressure that drives your mind nuts?
Have you ever realize that your life's a messed up potrait?
Have you ever gave a thought about your parents?
Have you ever felt like no one understands you?
Have you ever reflect about your actions?
Have you ever not spoken for a day?
Have you ever tried to stay strong, but still fell with a hard bump?
Have you ever wished for the best, yet all you get is shit?
Have you ever been alone in the dark and hope that dawn would never break?
Have you ever felt your heart covered with icicles?
Have you ever experience an excruciating pain piercing right through your heart?
Have you ever felt like your existance is like an apparition?
Have you ever been unable to express your feelings with words?
Have you ever cried, and never want to stop?
I have, and I had. I am not as strong, as cheerful, as fine as I appear to be.

they always find a way to my eyes.

2005-01-29T21:28:00.000+08:00

EMO.
EMO.
EMO.
EMO.
EMO.
me.

emo.

2005-01-29T01:05:00.000+08:00

Not a single person out there can experience how we felt after the game.It was the moment.We ran,we sweat,we got hurt,we get reprimanded,we made mistakes, but we still managed to win them.The announcement may had sounded too dramatic,but that really happened in reality.Though it was only 1 point,we still won.Only we experience that moment.No one else did.
-freakish and dead.

Break.Go!

2005-01-27T22:19:00.000+08:00

Gosh, I can still feel my emotions circling through me.It was a great match, one that I'll never forget. We were leading in the first quarter, than lagged behind in the 2nd and 3rd quarter. Fortunately, managed to catch up during the last minute. 15 secs left. Nisa did a lay-up, was fouled and injured her left ankle. Zhili was sub in, both her free throws went in, it was a tie. St.Magaret was too anxious and fouled carena. 3 secs left, she made her first shot, missing the second one. The game ended with a 41-40. We all filled the court with our screams,cheers and tears. I couldn't scream, the impact of this victory was too overwhelming, I broke down and hugged everyone, they themselves were crying too. Crying so hard, the tears just kept rolling down. All the credit would have to go to Zhili, Nisa, ShiHui, Carena, Bao Xian, Barbara, Ting & Xin Ying , Yvon. And our morale machine JULIA (=!! As for myself, I did not excecute my full potential. I gave up too easily, let go of my man, not doing the necessary defence.sighs,I'm disappointed with my own performance. I let the team down and coach too. Sorry, is the only word I can say. Let's keep up the spirit, We soar and we shall overcome.
-strive for more .

buried deep down.

2005-01-23T18:55:00.000+08:00

Practically hating my homework now.Just looking at it makes me sick.Tons and tons of words.Fuck,I hate english homework.Urgh.Alright,I admit I suck at it.
-darling,don't you know the water is poison.and i say c'mon and give me my poison .

one last.

2005-01-20T22:36:00.000+08:00

i'm back =).
hmm.zone's finally starting next week.cried in school the other day-shan't elaborate (x.school's really beginning to be like my second home.staying back every single day for extra lessons and finishing my hmwrk.peer tutoring's great.chemistry sucks.amaths's a horror.physics is boring.chinese is rather relaxing.english is pressurizing.gee.
the gym was packed with people.ww seemed to enjoy herself though.we should set another date to go again (=.
oooh.caught the game at Kallang National Stadium.the game was great!!it was xtremly crowded.the atmosphere was totally different viewing it from home.Live matches are exciting!we sat at the edge of our seats and cheered when S'pore scored.and the few malay guys sitting behind kept making funny remarks.last but not least,the stadium was filled with all of our screams,cheers and 'butoh'.lol.
Taufik's album is out.One Last is the song.
-i'll sacrifice one moment,for one truth .

heaven knows.

2005-01-16T11:41:00.000+08:00

playing aginst Cedar Girls.St Magaret & Braddle Westlake.shucks,i need to buck up.playing center sucks,have too much time to slack.losing my faith.
sighs,can't go to kallang.giving my tickx to kh.damn it,i want to go,but the pile of hmwrk is forbiding me to do so.
i love ww.i love Rumba.i love being happy.most of all,i love my team.
-my heart stands at 0 degrees.sick of you,get out of my life .

kick off.

2005-01-12T21:28:00.000+08:00

fortunately,we got the last 3 free tickx to the soccer match.luckily we walked faster than the NY guys (=.i'll be hell load busy after 2 more weeks.hope the results of the balloting will be satisfactory.gosh,can't imagine missing out lessons.gonna be so dead.on the other hand,i'm wishing to get into the top 4.more schools,more competitors.can't wait for it to start,& end as well.
well,i wonder what's up with the people around me.all taking in 1000+ toxics.no point saying too much.just stay away from me when you all enjoy the cig.
-lightyears away .

queer.

2005-01-09T20:41:00.000+08:00

there's nothing much to report.
interview at NYC was rather entertaining but lame.Subway cookies are yummilicious ((:.Famous Amos cookies were tempting too.stayed around town and chat till 9 with fy,yf and julia.happened to come across someone familiar at the interchg.he wasn't wearing a top.i wonder why.
-check my vital signs.i know i'm still alive.and i walk alone .

-

2005-01-09T01:10:00.000+08:00

smile ((:
-this world is full of lies .

(=

2005-01-08T01:53:00.000+08:00

competition approaching.trainings increasing.homework piling.stress developing.
still,nothing seems to refrain me from thinking about you.smile,if you think of me too ((:.
-there is..

live.

2005-01-06T21:36:00.000+08:00

i'm grateful,for being alive.God bless those people who were hit by the tsunami.

life marathon.

2005-01-03T21:57:00.000+08:00

first day at school!!first day at school!!no hmwrk.no nothing.just talks.sters united once again,had a great time.
it's gonna be a long run.the finish line is yet to be seen.three marathons to complete,three goals to achieve.everything will start,from now.
-i will,and i must .

goodbye.

2005-01-02T11:56:00.000+08:00

ytd was my last day of work.tried to help everyone and do my best to serve the members.vicki went for her break.than left me and pannir alone in atrium.he made cheese fries out of boredom,they weren't exactly good but still edible.
than i got quite pissed with murugan.told him i could find no more spoons and he asked me not to give any excuses.than at the end of it all,broke a plate accidently.than pannir and muru yelled at me-what-e-v-e-r.after clearing the mess,carlson asked me to clear table 36.grabbed a tray,dropped it.realized that jessie had done it all.
headed to chompchomp.vicki ordered loads of food.managed to finish them all.sighs,i'll miss them.i'll miss everything i've done in 2oo4.but looking forward to a brand new 2oo5.just hoping for the best.
-the future i pictured now seems so far away .

Happy New Year!!(=

2005-01-01T01:57:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year to all ((:.
i'm so darn worn out.worked from 11am-1am.drats,it sucks to work on new year's eve.i can only step aside and see those people dance.my feet really itched to move too,but they stood firm on the ground.than the adults were really high,grooving to the hokey pokey and other oldies.and i've got beer spilled on my shirt --".
sighs,some things i still can't get over.wished that i could have left it with the last second 2oo4.what-e-v-e-r.gonna fall into my dreams for now.
-ripped .

Rad.

2004-12-30T21:32:00.000+08:00

Alright.Today's game was not that good and not that bad either.Did my boxouts and caught rebounds,but passed it out back to the opponents instead,argh!Was pushed onto the floor,and my butt hurt soooo much.drats.Coach was scary,he kept flaring up.Than it was 10 rounds ard school.Felt like i could collapse anytime.Had lunch at Macdonalds and we talked about the tsunami.Darn funny,but i learnt something too ((:.Well,did my e`maths.Great,I need help with my Geometry and Trigo.Blahs,think i'm not gonna do a`maths.Oh yea,had a great time bringing out those unwanted clothes,Dad ended up with the most.Gonna donate them to the tsunami victims ((:.Sighs,still no news of my wallet.Just have to earn it back.Shucks,can't buy my adidas sling bag.Would anybody buy it for me?i'd like the white one please.Ha.
It's been a hell load of a year.Been at my downs at the beginning.Ups in the middle.A combination right at the end.Grown up and learnt alot.More mature in my thinking.More responsible for my actions.Met new friends.Lost some on the way,lost my love agn.Close relationship with people around me fading away,while growing closer to others.Experienced working.Seriously,earning money ain't easy.Overcame whatever that has been laid out for me.Have become more determined,tolerant and happy ((:.Strengthened family ties.Let go of you.Almost attained everything that i wanted to do.
In the new year.Control my emotions,stop my bad temper from evolving.Learn to be strong.Be more open to people ard me.Play better games and win them.Consistent work and revision.Better results.and BE HAPPY!!!((:.
A great THANKS to all those people who accompanied me through this year.Without all of your existent,i might still be left in the dark-alone.thanks for all the laughter and joy that you all had brought me.sorry for being rather cold and emotionless at times.but all of you have been great friends,pals,sisters,brothers.All the stupid stuffs we did and said,will always be a part of my memory.((:.Birthdays,outtings,towning,sentosa beach,slacking,bball,school etc etc.Thanks for bringing me all these good times.I LOVE ALL OF YOU ((:.Best wishes in the coming year.
-i don't wanna another pretty face.i don't want just anyone to hold.i dont' want my love to go to waste.i want you and your beautiful soul .

return it to me.PLEASE!

2004-12-29T21:59:00.000+08:00

sighs.WHY AM I SO CARELESS?!?was intending to buy my long-awaited adidas sling bag,but found that i left my wallet in the bus.ARGH!!!!called SBS up to locate the office.shenton way said there wasn't any wallet there.took 70 all the way to Yio Chu Kang Interchange,unfortuantely,they said there was nothing.it was bad enough that i had lost my wallet,yet the auntie kept yelling at us.where's her courtesy.what kind of fucking service is this?stupid company.felt helpless and hopeless.can only blame myself for neglecting my stuff.PLEASE,will the kind soul return my wallet.with EVERYTHING intact.sighs.there's 101 bucks inside alright,& other misc stuff which is impt to me.feel like i've been robbed,and all of a sudden,i feel rather penniless.sighs.well,just made a police report today.praying for a miracle.
as for hmwrk.i'm only left with e`maths,a`maths,1 eng compre,2 guided writing.sighs,there's so much to be done.regret not starting earlier.sighs.now ALL I WANT IS MY WALLET BACK,WITH EVERYTHING INTACT!!i hate myself.
-if loving you is as easy as a marathon,i would never stop running .

embraced in darkness.

2004-12-27T16:32:00.000+08:00

x`mas was boring.went town with shihui,lihui and royston.walked ard rather aimlessly.left town and met up with ww.bought 2 pairs of socks,costed me $17 bucks.shucks,spending money like nobody's business.stayed up late to watch teeve.felt lethargic when i went for work the next day.carlson's back.muru cut his moustache.ha,he looks so weird lor.accompanied vicki to amk during our break.she bought new shoes and heels.got back to atrium,changed to a new blouse and it was big.blahs.same old crowd.yes,got my pay.sighs,not that much.gosh,earned only $50 bucks today.gonna earn big bucks this friday.hopefully they'll need me till 3am.
sighs,one mre week to go before sch re-opens.ahhhh!hmwrk rush.oooohhhhh.sy got her angel on christmas.congrats.rach's got her angel too.cool,now i have 2 brother-in-laws.lalalalala..
-we were never meant to be .

merry christmas!!!!!!

2004-12-25T11:47:00.000+08:00

everything turned out to be fun.firstly,had lunch at P.S swensens with the team.received more gifts,aha.next,went to the arcade.played bishy bashy.after that,headed to town.seriously,there were alot of cute guys.hahahaha.met up with ww,yf and mad.settled our dinner at Pasta Mania.than got a present for ww's mom.
followed ww home.her family and relatives were nice.finally,after the cake was cut,we left for town.orchard was going crazy.people spraying snow and ribbons.i was attacked too,but it was rather fun.walked down to Paragon,held onto ww and terence.shunned away from bangalahs.sat down at the carpark.sent sms-es to loads of people.fortunately,my batt lasted me till my mom came and fetch me.reached home only at 3.
dead beat.but satisfied and happy ((:.thanks to all those who have spent it with me.merry christmas ((:!!!!!!falalalalalalalalala..
-santa claus is coming to town .

joy to the world.

2004-12-23T13:46:00.000+08:00

don't wish to leave any traces of ytd's events,so i deleted that away.
went out with my brother ytd.weird har?bought CD for coach.and chocolates for everyone else.being sucha nice sis,i bought my bro a wallet too.aha.happened to see vernus working at Century Square.gosh,she looked so different.gald to see her,after so long.kept walking in rounds,but he nvr complained one bit.
training was tiring.shucks,was in a bad mood.sorry girls.i wasn't angry with anyone,only myself.thanks coach,julia,baoxian,zhili and sherilyn for your gifts ((:.
hmm.so far,not having any plans on christmas.perhaps i'll go back to work.i've seen the buffet's menu.ooo,everythg's so good on the list.bwahaha.i'm waiting for sy to come back,so she can buy me my adidas bag or mayb smthg else ((:.i'll get ur levis if we have the chance to go out together.ha,mayb i'll get levis too.hmm..
-we wish you a merry christmas and a happy new year .

locked up inside..

2004-12-21T22:26:00.000+08:00

shucks.stayed at home all day.slept through time,end up not going for training.blahs.alright.i'm proud of myself.done with 2 journals,2 newspaper articles and 1 bk review.gosh,haven't touch my maths & a*maths yet.soooo dead.bwahahas,new tuition teacher cming next wk ((:.hope he'll save me.
i miss lotsa people.a whole lot of 'em.i wonder if they feel the same way as i do.sighs,nvm
x'mas in 4 days.sch re-opening in 2 wks time.all of you out there,get started on ur hmwrk.oh whatever.i love lime green ((:.
-frostbite on my heart.this pain and suffering are feelings that you don't know .

in to deep..

2004-12-20T21:05:00.000+08:00

sunday-helped out crossroads with their high-tea session.darn busy.but the members were really nice ((:.met a new guy,he's quite cute =P.was extremly tired and hungry.muru told me to smile.so i kept my weary look away.went up to garden grill to get hard rolls,realized that the cute guy was from garden grill.aha,thought he was a newcomer.finally got my break when Sathy came back.only ate the club sandwiches and read magazines.buffet was ok,crowd was ok,i was ok.sighs,wondering if i should go work on sat and sun,cause there'll definately be a crowd.
today,met up with nisa.intended to buy CD for coach,but was too exp.took 153 down to queensway.slept during the long journey.bought my tee!for only $26 =P.had lunch at IKEA.than went back to queenswat again,to look at shoes --".coach sent us back after that.
it's been a month.images of you nvr fail to fill my mind when darkness sinks in.as i gaze into the night sky,a tear drops from my eye.you are like the distant stars-out of reach.sighs,sometimes i wonder why u treat me so bad.perhaps,i still don't really understand you.but it doesn't really matter now.
-memories shaking apart .

pure happiness ((:

2004-12-19T10:14:00.000+08:00

staying out everyday.frm morn till night.trainings are tough.less than a mth to the zone competition.still making same old mistakes.still too slow to react.still,sighs.lost the match ytd.i was tired,kept losing my man.hate the refree,showed her my attitude,darn pissed.aft the match,she sent coach this "Just teach them court etiquettes..No worries".probably just trying to defend herself for being such a lousy ref.if i could,i would give the old hag a punch in her face.
made to run round the stadium.fortunately,after 2 rounds,it started to rain.than coach told us our mistakes and stuff.following,took bus to J8 to have our lunch.blahs,than was late for work.
aha.than this really cute lil boy smelt the pepper shaker and asked his mom..
Boy:"Is this cheese?"
Mom:"No,it isn't.Put that down."
Boy:"But i want cheese!Where is the cheese?"
Mom:"......"
teehee.finally,i got to see that cute guy agn ((:.blahs,he wldn't be interested.anyways,there were quite a lot of cute looking guys ytd.aha.selva took a video of me while i kept the green chilli,shoo-ed him away.he also framed up muru's pic with a monkey face which looks darn funny lor.aha,went over to crossroads with vicki to get beer.kinda talked to aimee,but only received a few reluctant replies.haha,vicki said aimee's jealous of her hair.hmm,i suppose so.wonder what's up with the both of them.trying to compete to win selva over?ahaha,adult's affairs,children shldn't interfere.((:
i'm happy.so so so so so so so so so so happy.congratulate me please ((:.
-the game that brought me joy,tears and laughter.the game that taught me tolerance,determination,teamwork,patience and perseverance.the game that we love.basketball .

abcdefg.

2004-12-15T22:55:00.000+08:00

mon..
window shopped at town with bball people.intended to take our pay,but was informed later to go back the next day.met up with ww and mad.went fareast.saw leonlee.bought bbq stuff.ate at chomp chomp.waited for parents at the interchg.no keys to go home.stupid.aha.
tues..
played against st.anthony.blahs.not competitive enough.no fight.ran 8 rounds of sch in 28.5 mins ((:.did shooting.got our jerseys *finally.hate the printing on the red jersey.had a light lunch at S11 before heading down to amore.got the cheque,found the bank.carena queued up while zhili,nisa and me watched Mr.Bean.ha,stupid.than went beach road.bought bags together.fuck the aunty,cheat our money.sighs,nvm.took train to pasir ris and than to mad's chalet.sian,than bathe at the toilet.stupid.ate a lil.bid farewell to mad.nisa was upset.accompanied her.ran so much,almost out of breath.board 53,than went down agn.coach fetched us home.aha.finished my book.((:
today..
daily routine.yay!completed 1 newspaper article.scanned my comp agn and agn for viruses.damn my cousin and bro.sighs.than met up nisa and babara at hrtland.think i saw cerlyn.oh well.than walked ard.stupid tee,don't have my size.argh!go J8,don't have the tee at all.watched match at Paya Lebar Kovan CC.saw quite a few familiar people.good looking guys too =P.duh,ha.than coach called nisa on her phone,just to ask me sit properly --".aha.sighs.haven't been going to grandma's for quite sometime.been out for almost everyday.to get myself distracted of course.still think abt stuff,but oh well.can't help it.guess some things can just never be forgotten.just gotta let it be.anyways,happy birthday gaffar!(=
-here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you.you are my only one .

tralalalala..

2004-12-13T10:42:00.000+08:00

aha.working's fun.quite fun.busied myself by clearing the plates ytd.band played sad songs,sighs.yucks,some people don't knw how to eat.well,getting used to it.anna said she missed me & thought i had gone back alrdy.haha.Pung was busy,din't talk to him much.Henry gave me a sandwich,sufficed my hunger ((:.everyone's nice to me.sighs.time now is 10.47.emelyn's flown back.gonna miss her loads.
life seems to be all well eh?but still have piles of hmwrk left undone.ahahaha.going off now.ciao
-it's the silence that never broke which makes the heart yearn more .

thanks..

2004-12-12T11:06:00.000+08:00

i love those who are good to me.((:
vicki.candy.emelyn.corn.murugan.
aimee.anna.juzza.cathy etc.
aha.people at serangoon gardens country club are all nice.like what murugan said,we're one big family.hahaha.
not forgetting the bball team.you girls have been great.even though we may not agree with each other all the time.but we still compromise and come down to a resolution.but for now,i just want coach to believe in us agn.don't want to disappoint him further.though we may be representing our school to play in the zone games.my motive is not to make our sch proud.it's all for coach,for all the effort and time he's put in to bring us to the top ((:.
thank god for bringing all of you to me.((:
-i love you.you love me.we're a happy family .

damn.

2004-12-11T11:20:00.000+08:00

went down to tp library on my own.returned and borrowed bks.looked for bx and gave her her lighter.than ty gave me a stack of calenders.aha.
worked.emelyn visited us.wrote me a letter,deeply touched.sighs.gonna miss her.din't expect a crowd to come in,was hell load busy.and tired.sighs.don't wanna work anymre,but they insist that i go back nxt wk.fuck.had enough of working.
blahs.wadever.ciao.
-fuck you .

shaking away those memories.

2004-12-10T10:07:00.000+08:00

wed..
worked.gave out amore calenders.not as interesting as being a waitress though.but saw a couple of familiar faces.they cldn't be bothered to help.queued up for free beverages at starbucks.yums.
after giving out all of the calenders.played at the arcade till 7.had a hell load of fun with the hockey thingy machine.aha,but lost to our juniors.((:
they went home.while i got dragged to kBox.b-o-r-i-n-g.
tossed and turned in bed.sighs.
thurs..
sorry for being late.B girls were suppose to play first,but me and nisa came late,so had to delay our match.coach was upset with our attitude.sighs.we din't play our game as well too.though we won,we still had to run 10 rounds of the field.after that,caught up with olga ((:.
cheered for the guys.than things went wrong at the official table.sengkang shld have won that match.our victory was not glorious at all.had lunch at S-11 with nisa,zhili & carena.came home,tried to do my hmwrk.point is,i don't knw how to.the compre is so difficult.sighs.so i'm like "forget it".haha.
cldn't sleep last night agn.just can't stop thinking abt the match.& music keeps playing through my head.it's like a never ending merry-go-round.sighs.
this morn..
received sms-es frm nisa and zhili.saying that training was cancelled.sighs,i think coach is really disappointed with us.i wonder what can we do,to melt away his dismay.
-guys can never be contented with what they have .

lalalala.

2004-12-07T22:17:00.000+08:00

i'm proud to say.i'm done with my journal.ha!ok.only one.haven't start on the second one though.are we suppose to do one of the topics?or do both ar?can someone answer me here?((:
so was at aham's hse.played with lingyi.aha.cute.than father & mother were like unapacking tons of boxes filled with glasses.aha.mom said that those were her birthday gifts --".wow,people back than have no sense of creativity or shld i say skint?ha.
watched stupid tv programmes.'ai yo yo bao bei'.aha.those kids darn funny sia.guess we were that dumb back than.it's all part of growing up.BUT kids are cute.
blahs.i'm off to sleep.i want abs ((:.kill all those fats.aha.be gone.
ciao.
-smile.& everything will be alright .

victory!

2004-12-07T16:59:00.000+08:00

yay!we won.uh-huh.ha.finally,our first match.
blahs.could have played better.i made too many mistakes.
made a very tyco shot.i looked so stupid than.
guys won too.((:
had lunch at bugis.walked ard and than went to look for bernice.
she was shocked.she looked different.but still pretty.ha.
walked summore.than left for home.opps,saw uncle on the train ((:.almost cldn't recognize him.he said i've grown thinner.blahs.no way!
finally faxed desmond the hmwrk.ha.paiseh.
aha.came across some peoples' blogs.waha.vosh and samuel damn cute sia.uh-huh.than sy's finally giving up on the water closet.ha.rachel's stuck in her r/s.jacinta's having probs with her bf.well,everybody seems to be in love.aha.
well,i'd prefer not to be like them.too busy with my life.my piorities are basketball and the up-coming O's.all misc stuff can come after that.blahs.
gonna work tmr.earn xtra cash ((:.
aha.off to do my hmwrk.ciao
-my passion for this game will never cease .

lazing ard.

2004-12-06T23:02:00.000+08:00

it's monday.
lazed ard at home.
almost complete with my 7-day journal.
bball bbq was satisfactory.coach tan was there too.it was like a family reunion,a rather big one.
yawns.ciao.
-friend and only a friend.goodbye .

((:

2004-12-06T13:17:00.000+08:00

last night.worked.happy.satisfied ((:.but tired.
nothing else much to say.blahs.
God,can you lend me angel for a day?I so want him now.sighs.
-without you next to me,it feels like 20 below .

hope dangles on a string.

2004-12-05T01:02:00.000+08:00

aha,back from work.& i'm so relieved becos no customers made me pissed today ((:.congrats me.ha.weird,all of them seems nice today,esp the westerners and elder people.
anyways,was freaking tired.did abit of my journal and fell aslp.damnit,got so much incompleted hmwrk.i'm guilty,swear i'll start them next week.hopefully i'll get my pay soon,cos i've got stuff to buy.loads of stuff.
sighs.i hate my hair.i wanna cut it agn.that bloody lady gve me such an awful haircut,wasted my 12 bucks.sighs.bloody hell,i don't want fats.but can't stop the temptation of food.=X
i'm tired.somehow i miss U too ((:.is that good or bad?hmm.
-a hug from you would suffice the emptiness in my heart .

a need for venting fustrations.

2004-12-04T11:01:00.000+08:00

argh.going to work agn.i'm sick and tired of working.seeing the same people,same place.repeating the same shit over and over.i swear i'll stop after next week.sighs.seriously,i have communication problems with the people there.sometimes,i don't get what they're saying because of their accent.doubt they like my presence too.no one likes me anyway.
i'm clumsy.slow.everything.& i'm the youngest there.so it really ain't good with all the adults ard becos i don't fit in.it's the weekend,it'll surely be packed.hopefully,i'll be able to control my temper.
i need someone.anyone.but there's no one.mayb i just can't find one.or i keep to myself too much?unable to trust the people ard me?ARGH!i don't know.fuck la.i'm so sick of myself.i am certain that i need counselling.
-take my hand.look into my eyes.hold me & never let go .

untitled.

2004-12-04T01:39:00.000+08:00

sighs.atrium's rather quiet today.not many customers.boring.
did the usual stuff.sighs,emelyn's going back alrdy.gonna miss her.aimee's staying till nxt yr feb.ate salad today,topped with thousand island dressing.nice.
reserved places at chomp chomp together with muru and vicki.the rest took sucha long time to come.sighs.than i ordered fried rice and sugar cane juice.drank 2-3 mouths of carlsberg.yuck.gave the rest to emelyn.felt left out because they were all talking in their respective languages.can't understand.so kept quiet.
finally,dad fetched me home.than he was like so pissed off becos i din't wait at the zebra crossing.fuck sia.he needn't embarass me in front of his friends what.
life's just so not right for me.i'm gonna stop work after next week.gotta finish my homework,get sufficient rest.play and enjoy.
ciao.
-i want U to know that.i miss U.i miss U so.but i can't have U back .

sighs.

2004-12-03T17:06:00.000+08:00

sighs.yes yes.late for training agn.this time.i shot balls till my hands were tired.still i can't seem to shoot as fast and accurate as the others.rested awhile before shooting free throws with carena,zhi li and nisa.my shooting's b-a-d.had to make a few attempts before one finally goes in.while the others did it like a breeze.sighs.next coach make us recall the previous games we played.we're still not there yet,he said.guess we just gotta work harder.
following,we sparred among ourselves.than my emotions got over me.got fustrated and started showing my temper.sighs.coach talked to me.he asked me what's wrong with me.i shrugged and started to tear.everytime he talks to me,i'll definately break down.in fact,i really don't knw what's wrong with myself.i swear it,i don't knw the reason for my behaviour.mayb i shld consult a psychologist?or psychiatrist?sighs,i don't knw.he asked me to not keep everythg to myself.talk to someone,anyone.but there's no one whom i can turn to,except myself.seriously,i think i should just go and die.sighs.
was asking some of them,am i really that thin?they all said yes.someone even said that she was afraid that the jurong no.10 might squash me,ha ((:.accompanied nisa and carena to buy their books.had lunch oppo sch.than tingying & company kept looking baoxian's way.scary~ha.made some clarifications and realized that they were just looking at yh smoking.blahs.
back home.got some rest or else i'd be really tired during work.sighs.i wonder what's wrong with me.hope that coach won't call my mother.or else,my dad wld be bombarding with me questions and give me pep talks.abhor those moments.sighs,guess i'll have to figure it out myself.feeling emo.
-swear i won't miss a beat.cause i never had before .

defeated agn.

2004-12-02T21:30:00.000+08:00

aha.well,ytd cleaned and re-arranged my display cupboard stuff.=))
than met up with ww on the train.shouted at a kid,cos she kept looking at us --".than ww bought a top frm giordano.paid for the coffeebean beverages ((:.donated to charity too.waited for sy and rach.
took bus down to desmond's chalet.whoa,i ate alot,rach too.ha.aha,we both decided to wait for the sg idols results.yay!taufik won.wooooooo!stayed and chatted till my dad came fetch me home.
late for training this morn.& i wore the wrong jersey.what a bad start.did warm-ups alone.jurong only arrived ard 9.sighs.was trying so hard to follow the game.exhausted,felt my energy being drained away with each step i take.well,no 12 was practically squeezing my waist(their so called 'defence').uh-huh,slapped her hand away.it was painful.blahs.we lost 60-35.pathetic.
sat down together,analyzed and realize our mistakes.the few things we need to improve on.blahs,got so irritated by sh's "what if's" and her 'possibilities'.sighs.
lunched at macs along with zhili,nisa,julia and carena.xchged views,on court performance,mistakes etc.talked till 4+ before we went home.got a quick bath and hurried down to chinatown and meet my mom.bought 3 tops.& she paid for me,cos i forgot to bring my pay out.=Pp.
sighs.i want to win the next game.really hope everythg that we've said and brought up will be done in the court nxt tues.i long for the victory cheer.the moment of glory.it's been a long time since i've felt the feeling of winning.let's work for it.
-i love you.but we can't be together .

boring,

2004-12-01T14:17:00.000+08:00

sighs.there's nothing to do in the house.
no cleaning up to do.no nice tv programmes lined up.sighs.
ain't gonna do my hmwrk.too lazy.no activities lined up for me today.
gained weight.shucks.been eating & eating.even when the stomach's not growling.my stomach's bloating up.in need of help to control my appetite.
blahs.i think i'm gonna slp my time away.that way,i won't think of anythg else.
perhaps i should clean my display cupboard,when i wake up.ha.
sometimes,i wished things wld not change.but somehow,reality goes against my wishes.hoping for a better tomorrow.a better future.a better year.a better life with no sadness.and better beer?~~NO.no beer.it'll only make me look worse.~~
-another left waiting.alone in my room.with no calls from you .

figure my way out.

2004-11-30T22:17:00.000+08:00

aha.went out with ww ytd.took cab to suntec.looked at clothes which were desirable.but too expensive.uh-huh.so caught a movie.'the incredibles' again.
ha.i bought sugared nuts and mocha freeze.yums.cinema was rather packed.blahs.well,not as thrilling as the first time i saw it.duhs.
headed down to amk.dine at a coffeeshop-seafood steamboat.uhuh,not very appetizing.than the guys,raphel & eugune?spoke in hokkien.um,sound so barbaric,in other words-a typical ah beng.than ww asked alex to buy tiger.drank one cup.ww turned red,ha.well,i was fine.WAS.
uh,rush back to her hse to put the dye powder and bleach for her bro.than took bus down to esplanade.felt nauseous throughout the whole journey.boo.alighted somewhere ard suntec and headed for the ladies.vomited.in fact,forced myself to.the whole thing's just so gross.chunks of food came out of my mouth.chunks.some got stuck halfway in my throat so had to push them out forcefully.stomach hurt badly.felt like i was half-dead.swear it,i won't drink agn.
got to the nearest 7-11 & bought milk.actually it didn't help at all.the awful taste still lingered in my mouth.g-r-o-s-s.walked to esplanade,captured some of the art pieces.sat down and waited for "leg's good".well,translate it into chi & u'll get what i mean.ha.
got a scenic view of the night esplanade.calm and tranquil waters.stared into the sky.pretended to shoot down the stars with my straw.lame x).saw a flying light,or is it a shooting star?impossible.ha.kept rather silent and sank into deep thoughts.i knw i can't continue my life this way.want back the chirpy and jovial me.((:
well,tried to flag a cab back home,but every one was -on call- or -busy-.last resort,call my dad to fetch me.& he did.ha~
boo.late for training today x).7 rounds.fast break.drills.revised set plays.match.practised 1-2-1-1.dismissed.lunched at a muslim coffeeshop.ate mee hoon goreng & indian rojak x).& home sweet home.
haha.YES.I OFFICIALLY PACKED MY ROOM.now i have a more conducive environment to study and do my work.wooooo!it took me abt 2-3 hrs?at least i cleared out most of the rubbish.& my rm's dust-free.hmm,found this layout.cool huh?ha.
no one really drops by anyway.my tag board's gonna rot.hmm,i miss U.read the letter U gave me.brings back many memories.seems like i can only recall the happy times.only got 2 words for U-take care.((:
-until the day i die.i'll spill my heart for you .

blahs.

2004-11-29T10:58:00.000+08:00

blahs.ytd,parents and bro went to m'sia.
i was too lazy to go.
it's suppose to be my rest day anyway.
blahs.waited for ww.she take so fucking long to get ready.
had dinner together.curry fish head and hot plate beancurd!yums.
than sat at the void deck and talk.
fucking cockroaches and ants.
ha.yes,we're gonna drink to our hearts content.
went home.than watch zhong yi da ge da.the show damn funny sia.
damn,they bought loads of stuff frm m'sia.regret not going.
blahs.wadever.
-ain't dropping my tears no more .

down on my luck.

2004-11-28T13:39:00.000+08:00

din't go for training.coach smsed me.gave him my reason.he said 'K,must have enough rest lor!'.just these few words of concern made me break down.julia too sent me a msg abt hugs.no amt of words can xpress how i feel.it's not everyday that i receive msges frm pple who are concerned.sigh,thanks.
ok.went for work.it wasn't so bad at first.
these couple of old ladies,they were really nice and all.asked me abt my age,sch and stuff.they'd make nice grannies.ha.
hmm.i keep eating and eating.cathy says it's due to stress.well,i guess that's quite true.hopefully,i'm able to cut down on my food intake.and be norm agn.ha.
accompanied murugan to the jackpot room.sent the food there.he hurt his foot,yet still came to work.ha.he brings a smile to my face.nono,don't get the wrong idea.he's 26.
during the buffet,some customer requested to add smmre eggs to her fried bee hoon.told her can't,but cld add an xtra egg on top.than the man was like,it's just adding 2 mre eggs,the most we pay xtra for it.than i was like,no we can't.than he got pissed off,i got pissed off too.
my mood was totally ruined.some customers wanted to pickup their order,another wanted water,so which one am i suppose to do first huh?blahs.than spilled thousand island dressing on the floor becos someone knocked into me.broke 3 bowls cos i stacked em' too high.well,some were really patient.they didn't seem to mind waiting.
at the end of it all,Raja gave me a packet of cookies,nicely packaged.he said he knew i was angry,so gave me a lil gift =).munched on celery and lettuce,topped with thousand island dressing.ate the rojak too.blahs.feeling guilty and apologetic abt what i've done at work.corn said that no matter what,we must smile,can't sulk,it's all part of the service industry.will remember what he told me.
vicki called this morn,told her i ain't gonna work.too exhausted.if i went today,definately make more mistakes.blahs,can't wait till wed,drinking time.ha.ww don't pangseh k.
-i sat there and stared at you.you didn't seem to mind .

darkness prevails.

2004-11-27T10:03:00.000+08:00

blahs.ytd went for CIP.sold poppies.
had breakfast first before heading to our first destination,raffels city.
initially,we daren't approach the public.but got use to it ltr on.
some people were really generous,while others just cldn't be bothered.
aft that,we chged to suntec.saw cute guys but wadever.
only sold all the poppies at ard 4+.was darn tired,managed to force myself to go work.sighs.
atrium was quiet.blahs i'm so stupid.this customer made an order for mee gooreng,he wanted less oil,less sugar and mre chilli.so vicki help me key in.& carlson approached me asking me abt the previous order.so he asked 'mee goreng got sugar one ar?'.bursted out laughing,how can i be so dumb?sighs.anyway got my pay,it's so lil.vicki gave me a treat.saw selva and the chefs too.joked with them.aft dinner,saw another cute guy,than dad fetch me home.
sighs.when darkness prevails,loneliness finds it's way to me.i lost U.i'm gonna lose out in the team.i don't knw what else is coming next.might as well take away my life.hate to suffer.
-no one knows .

my boo.

2004-11-25T21:44:00.000+08:00

ok.training sucked.
timing for 6 rounds wasn't that bad.22mins and smthg.blahs.
did shooting.felt fustrated.
gave one of my don't-piss-me-off-or-i'll-bite look.
because i'm in a FOUL mood.
what can i do?it's not my day.i'm tired.restless & upset.
aft that,played match throughout the whle training.
practically walked throughout the 4 matches.
grrrrrr.fed up with my own fucked up attitude.blahs.wadever.
headed to macs along with the others.
than went to cine's kbox with sandy,sh,babara,baoxian and tingying.
oh,did i mentioned that cheryl dyed her hair golden/blonde.pierced her ears too.looks so cool.
ok.so the bloody kbox system was down.got a chg of rooms.
blah blah blah.sang and sang.to our hearts content.sang to some of jay's songs.which made me emo.
being busybodies,we went to check out the couple next door.they were making out.ha.don't knw why is it so funny,but we just laughed anyways.
took train back home.end of my day.boring har?

U are bad.everyone says U treat me bad.sighs.i don't knw where i stand in your life.is it kinda in betwn the friend and stranger pathway?or is it more to either sides.please,just don't hurt me anymre.i've had enough,i really do.don't give me anymre false hopes or try to trigger my love for U agn.mayb all i can blame is god?for making a fool of us agn?nonono.not us.ME,just me.i was naive,thinking that u'd chged for the better.somehw things just got worse.communication brkdwn.not having enough time for each other.i'm dumb.forseen that yet i still went for it.you said you wldn't mind,i believed you.can you make up for all the promises and swearings?no.it's a pile of lies.said so much,but have U ever fufilled them?no matter what i do,you're always or smhow just trying to make me feel guilty.that's the cause for constant apologies.why am i treated this way?U knw smthg?i hate blaming myself.i really ABHOR it.the feeling sucks.you knw it ain't ur fault,but still keep pushing the blame to urself.just to make the other party feel better.to U,i guess i'm another spare tyre.smone whom U can rely on when u're down.U don't really have feelings for me,this second round.in the first round too.yaya,i hope you won't see this or you'll go like 'what's wrong with her?','fuck lah,what i do?','knn,ccb'.this is ridiculous to you.it pisses you off right?
i've got more to say.but i'll post another time.have to get everythg off my chest.those of you who thinks this is some shit,please just fuck off.this is my space,i type whatever i like.trying to knw what's going on in my mind?continue to read.ha.mst pple,including my parents,don't knw what's going on in my head.
hate telling people abt my probs,it's insignificant.oh yea,girls,whine and whine.like there's no tomorrow.can't you all just stop being concerned abt youselves for a sec?just stop whining and find a solution for yourselves.ha.& please,inflicting pain is crap.why don't you just use a knife and stab it right in your heart?or cut an artery.it'll save you so much pain and trouble.blahs.wadever. -from up here the city lights burn.like a thousand miles of fire.and i'm here to sing this anthem,of our dying day .

solitary moments.

2004-11-24T22:03:00.000+08:00

the morning lights unlocked me from my sweet slumber.
received your msg.friends you said.or otherwise,sister.satisfactory reply.
munched on honey stars for my breakfast cum lunch.
read my book 'Angels'.
got rather bored so logged online.
talked to jy.gave him a few suggestions for his song.
almst cried.because i thought of U.that sour feeling which doesn't seem to go away.boo.i don't wanna think abt U.occupying myself doesn't work.there's absolute no cure for it.that's for me i'd say.
sighs,gave it my all.but get nothing in return.you've probably gotten over it.i guess.blahs,fuck,i'll stop ranting abt it.
so hogged online till 3+.ironed my pants,bathe than went for work.
boo.have to learn everythg agn.everythg's just so diff frm atrium.cathy was off shift,so ravi taught me everythg.ain't easy.i even had problems tearing the bill slip.sighs.
the pool was under maintainence,so ain't much members ard.able to slack,but it was boring.
whitley sec held their farewell dinner for the graduates at the hall.most of them dressed smartly,while some others wore rather casually.ha.
blahs.helped aimee deliver food to the jackpot room than went home.bought chix briyani frm 7-11.sucked.just too bad that i din't bring enough cash with me.
i just wanna cry.and drink.forget everythg that happened during the 44 days.boo.
give me time.it's only been 4 days.i'm not superwoman.neither are u megaman.
ciao.
-lies can't pretend .

wooooo!ha.=)

2004-11-23T22:14:00.000+08:00

heh.wasn't late for training today =).
blahs.it was darn tiring.i was damn pissed.with everythg.& everyone.& MYSELF!
well,the damn weather got me damn pissed.
stood under the blazing sun like for 2/3hrs?i can tell u,no one can take it.it's horrendous.you all should see how we get tortured right under mr sun's nose.than we only had 2 breaks?can mati you knw.=X
made to sprint,do 'fast breaks' and shooting.
this totally sucks.it's killing me,my mind tells me to give up.really,i don't feel the same enthusiasm anymre.the screams,cheers and encouragement,all faded within time & the diff people we play with.
perhaps some of us have different goals.we don't expect much of ourselves,tend to slow things down abit.but people ard us keep pushing us and it just doesn't work,because we're satisfied with our own performance.one thing-you haven't reach ur fullest potential yet,that's why there's someone out there,telling you to try harder.these people are those whom we should appreciate,they care & want us to make the best of our abilities.oh,this is some crap man.ha~
sat together as a team.revised and worked out on our set plays.got abit woozy.with them analysing situations,trying to be flexible and stuff.ha.coach taught us a new set play.& i don't remember it.too much to digest at once,my mind can't take it.
had lunch at the oppo coffeeshop.agreed to go sh's hse to do my hmwrk.had chg of plans,went along with sandy & friend to tanjong pagar and got her prom dress altered.she looked gorgeous in it.ha.
walked in the rain with sh.took train to wisma to buy heels.sadly,out of stock.
so all of us were complaining abt our hunger.we settled down at delifrance.shared a meal with sandy.consisted of carrot soup & garlic bread.baguette topped with lettuce,tomato,tuna and egg.plus ice lemon tea.sh ordered ala carte-baked potato.ha,pure indulgence.after that,me and sh went to veineza(or smthg like that).ordered tartufu!ooo man,it's just so delicious.okok,i think you all don't get what i'm saying.referring to ice cream actually.ha~
walked our separate ways.took nel back with sh.meantioned abt our love life stuff.blahs,think we need to get over this issue.well,we both knw hw it feels like.almst in the same boat.in fact,we are?ha.=)
skipped dinner.dad drove us to TP entertainment centre.watched shark tale with my bro.c'mon~i'm a nice sis,i paid for the tix and part of the combo.luckily he was smart enough to take a few bucks frm dad.lessened my burden.ha~hmm,shark tale ain't that nice.guess it's meant for the younger generation.din't really catch my attention.therefore 'the incredibles' stays at no.1 and 'taxi' no.2 =).
aft the movie.waited for dad.saw this couple squabbling.the lady was shouting at the top of her lungs.isn't she embarassed?well,the guy did too.hmm,they sat on some rock structure & talk things out.ha~but the lady cld have kept her volume down.can't believe couples wld dare quarrel in public,it's so 'throw face'.dad took a long time to come,than my bro suggested to go take a walk at world of sports.ha~guess this 'date' bonded us.duh.
that's abt it.oo,both my bros just quarrelled.wondered what happened.
my week's pretty occupied,so no worries friend.i'm alright =).i've thought things through.come to a conclusion that this wld be the best for us.i ain't gonna whine or pine for ur return.uh-uh.just gonna take everythg as it is.though i did shed tears for the past few days,because i still did love U.but now,thought it through.can't be upset every moment.gotta make full use of life,be happy =).woo,i love me.ha.madness.
-she was done before the start,always mending broken hearts.making others miserable not knowing who she's hurting .

girl power.

2004-11-22T21:48:00.000+08:00

met up with nisa in the train.
saw a really cute kiddo.she's like complaining to her mum 'why you press my breasts?'.the lady was embarassed and covered her daughter's mouth.ha~
the lil girl smiled at me,she's cute.
transferred to red line,saw izyan.
bumped into baoxian and tingying at cine.
waited for zhili and julia.
bought ticx to the incredibles.
had lunch at a japanese outlet.getting addicted jap food.
bought kachamputeh.er,haha.waited for sandy and sh.
ooh.the show's great.the beginning was abit weird though.
nice effects.cool moves.hilarious scenes.ha~
makes me wanna be a superhero too.=)
sh was crazy.think she's too depressed and gone haywire.ha.
than sh was saying that we have no love life.it's so screwed.& i totally agree.
played uno at nisa's hse.munched on chips.blahs.the first game took 15 mins.cos the game just went on and on betwn sh and nisa.ha.
ate chix curry cooked by nisa's grandma.fantabulous!yums.
played a couple more mins before we left.
got my hair traimmed.the rest went to play ball.
loneliness found it's way to me agn.almst cried,but held on to it.
trying to be strong.ha.gotta cope with it.
boo.i wanna do my hmwrk.motivate me.
-it takes 2 seconds to fall in love.but 3 decades to get along .

bitter moments.

2004-11-21T23:50:00.000+08:00

dread to wake up this morn.because i'd think of U.
well,i cried.the tears din't seem to cease.
stopped for a few moments before they were back agn.
blasts of punk music did not stop my cries.
sat on the table and stared out of the window.
buried my face in my hands.
U msged me & asked abt me nick.
but got pissed off.& i guess,u can't be bothered with me anymre.
lost my love.lost a friend.
i wished i wldn't react this way,but i can't help it.
i'm trying to forget,just need mre time.
jy msged me.he talked some sense in me.
felt better at that pt of time.but all the sadness rushed back in just a few hrs.
atrium was packed during lunch and dinner.
some customers really pissed me off.
just wanna point __ them.
sighs.now all i need is rest and my own time to relax.
do my hmwrk.pack my rm.hang out with my girl pals.have a fruit fast.
i wanna study,really wanna study.beginning to have jitters abt my O's.can i bring mrs koh hm for a day?ha.oh well,anyone wanna study together?
rather sick of working.makes me drift away frm everyone.
it was also partly because of my busy lifestyle that made us drift apart.
and i hardly get to talk to U,because U were so concentrated in ur game.
bah.i'll stop raking up the past.no use brooding over it.
time will heal all wounds.
i wished i cld fast forward my life.
come to think of it.all my tears can be used to water the plants at hm.haha.=)
ciao.
-goodbye to U.goodbye to everythg that i knew.U were the one i loved.the one thg that i tried to hold on to .

last goodbye.

2004-11-20T23:25:00.000+08:00

met U this morning.U looked terribly upset & seemed to have alot on ur mind.U sat away from me.i felt the distance.we both kept silent throughout the journey.i wanted to hold ur hand,but it was occupied.we were pretty fine in the beginning,but it wasn't long before we were apart agn.walked away frm each other.i really wished i cld read ur mind.i missed U even though we were together.so near,yet so far.but now.i can only admire U and hide my affections.i cried.like i did for the past few days.when U weren't by my side.i knw it'd be impossible to have U back.i can feel it.i will try,give me time.tk care my friend.
i love U.
-this is the end of everything.u're the end of everything .

i love the rain.ha.

2004-11-20T01:43:00.000+08:00

went through the set plays during training.
freaking tired and sleepy.
after that,went to go find the sters at S11.
got emotional,cried in the washrm.
ran away from them.
ate tom yam at the opposite coffeeshop.
took along walk by myself to chiltern park & back agn.
walked in the rain.=)
dad din't scold me.ha~bathe,slept and went for work.
had supper at chomp chomp with candy,vicki and emelyn.
shared heineken with emelyn.ha,she got abit drunk.
dad was ard too.he questioned me,told him that only my collegues drank.he believed me.ha.
vicki ordered carrot cake,satay,fried rice,spring chicken,grass jelly and sugar cane juice.
saw selva,aimee and pd.
emelyn gave me her club sandwich =).cos she said she was full.ha.
oo.feeling abit drowsy.ha~
ciao.
-hello friend,it's been too long.and every town sings the same sad song .

let me break free from this agony.

2004-11-18T22:11:00.000+08:00

today's match was the worst and most disappointing in this year.sighs.we've let coach down terribly.where's the enthusiasm and team spirit that we had once?can easily come up with some lame excuses for our defeat.weather's too hot and the not really use to the court.but i have to admit that nan chiau is a good and experienced team.with good co-ordination and communication skills,they've lead themselves to victory.mayb we're just not up to standard.this match had lead our team's spirit go down another notch.
headed back to compass as a grp.10 of us went to eat seoul garden at amk.while the rest stayed at compass for lunch.initially,the food tasted great.but gradually got sick of eating meat.ha~so they started playing with food.pity the one clearing our our table.was extremly bloated.alighted one stop earlier and walked home.felt nauseous.guess what,i fell aslp on the floor.ha!that's how tired i am.dad woke me up while sweeping the floor.
watched sg idols.ok.sylvester sucks.he totally sucks.PLEASE don't vote for him.i think he sang out of tune to one of the songs.& he sings like he's in agony.lol.olinda and taufik will stay!but it'll be a tough fight betwn the both of them.one thing i don't like abt taufik,he keeps closing his eyes!hmm.
missing U.haven't seen each other for quite some time.drifting further & further apart.have so much to tell U.so much to say.so much to ask.if only i cld take a day off everythg,i'd spend it with U.i know U dislike me saying sorry,but i still want to apologize.i wonder how U feel towards me now.but i want U to knw,that i love U =).
-you're hiding something cause it's burning through your eyes.i try to get it out,but all i hear from you are lies .

all forlorn.

2004-11-17T21:36:00.000+08:00

slept till 10+ this morn.locked in deep slumber.
missed the a*maths remedial.damn.
read the papers.saw a gorgeous pic of the lightings in Berlin.wish i cld go there some day.
was pigging out at home.felt cranky throughout the whole day.
slept alot.freakin tired.
urged myself to start on my hol hmwrk,but sadly,haven't touched any of them-no motivation.
idled my time away by playing online games.
slept agn after that.
dinner was not as appetizing.but ate alot of celery,yums.
playing against Nan Chiau tmr.
hols are boring.
one wish-to get my pay.
-this town is full of dumb reminders .